If you're a parent, aunt, uncle, family friend, or anyone who interacts with college seniors this time of year, you probably mean well. You're proud of them. You're curious. You want to show interest in their future.
So you ask: “So, what are you doing after graduation?”
They hear it at Thanksgiving. At holiday dinners. At graduation parties. In the hallway after a final exam. In the check-out line at the grocery store.
Here's the problem: most of them genuinely don't know yet. And they're pretty stressed about it.
Why This Question Feels So Heavy
When someone asks you what you're doing next, it implies one of two things:
- You already have a plan (and therefore a right answer)
- You don't (and therefore something is wrong with you)
For college seniors navigating one of the most brutal entry-level job markets in recent history — where entry-level roles are being replaced by AI, where internship experience is often unpaid and inaccessible, and where “you need experience to get experience” — not having a plan is not a character flaw. It's a reality.
The question also assumes a linearity that careers rarely have. You don't “do” one thing after graduation. You might end up job searching for months. You might take something that pays the bills while you figure it out. You might move back home. You might take a gap year. You might not know until September.
And all of that is fine.
What You Can Ask Instead
If you want to genuinely support the college seniors in your life, try one of these instead:
“What's been the most meaningful part of your college experience?”
This invites them to reflect on what they've already built — not just what's ahead. And honestly? Most seniors haven't thought about this in a while. You'll probably get a better conversation out of it.
“What are you looking forward to most about this next chapter?”
This keeps the future open-ended while still acknowledging that a transition is happening. It gives them room to say “honestly, I'm terrified and I have no idea” without feeling judged.
“How can I support you right now?”
This one is underrated. It assumes they might need something (because they might) and it gives them agency to ask for it. Maybe they need help with their resume. Maybe they need a coffee chat with someone in their field. Maybe they just need someone to listen without offering unsolicited advice.
“What's one thing you're really proud of from your time in school?”
Celebrate what they've done, not just what they're about to do. College seniors have been through so much — a pandemic, economic uncertainty, remote learning, campus activism, mental health crises, and on and off again instruction. Just getting through it is worth acknowledging.
To the Seniors Who Keep Hearing This Question
You don't owe anyone an answer. You don't have to have it figured out. Your worth isn't determined by whether you have a job lined up by May or whether you can name your five-year plan at 22.
The people who love you should be asking how you're doing — not what you're doing next.
And if you're deep in the job search right now, overwhelmed, confused, frustrated, or just tired — that's not weakness. That's the market. It's not you.